In a world where self-love is considered one of the greatest virtues, and self-esteem is one of the most focused on aspects of life, it can be difficult to swallow the next statement. No, you are not perfect the way you are, and that’s okay!
It has become a meme, and a popular saying for people to say “you are perfect exactly how you are!” No, you aren’t, neither am I, your neighbor, coworker, best friend, and so on. We are all flawed, and in a way, there is a beauty to that. We can relate to one another, seek help from those who have struggled where we have struggled.
I understand the intent behind this saying and other’s like it. It is to encourage positivity in hopes that we quell negative thoughts about ourselves. That is good intention. I’ve struggled with self-esteem in the past due to relentless bullying for ten years. I know the damage done to the psyche when one continually beats him/her self up. This can either be pertaining to something we’ve done or feeling self-conscious about how we look.
Here is something I learned too late in life, dwelling on ourselves and our problems doesn’t help them, in fact it makes them worse. Whatever personality flaw you struggle with won’t improve if you are always thinking about it because that behavior is in the forefront of your mind. Telling yourself that you are perfect won’t fix the issue either, knowing it’s there and taking small steps to improve while not dwelling on it is what will make a difference. I know, easier said than done, but it is possible.
The other thing is if someone is confident, he/she doesn’t feel the need to tell the world how awesome they are. That last sentence used to be well-known and accepted as true. Now? Not so much. What to know how to spot someone who is insecure? A person who either brags on the internet how wonderful they are or in person. They are compensating. Real self-love doesn’t come from talking about yourself, it comes from loving others and not dwelling on yourself.
The harsh reality is that no one cares how awesome you think you are. Furthermore, most people don’t care about your appearance either. Whether you are overweight, underweight, tall, short, super hairy like me, strangers may notice for a second or two and then forget all about you minutes later. That’s comforting. It puts our insecurities into perspective.
So no, you are not perfect, but you still have infinite value. You can be loved just as you are while acknowledging you have flaws and striving every day to be a better person. We could all learn to focus less on ourselves and more on others, and we will then find that our self-esteem issues will begin to melt away slowly.